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Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Your 2012-2013 Warriors and The Bill for Services Rendered.
Since I know the majority of the basketball community does not read poetry or (mind the parallel construction, the ugly stepsister of parataxis depending upon whom you ask) particularly closely: double entendre on the rendering there. Find a dictionary, ruminate.
Where were we? Oh yes: Fucked. For a good long while at that.
While there are some bells and whistles and minor points to the Fresh Era Golden State Warriors future salary outlook, the proverbial money shot is as such: $69 million on the current roster plus a shitty draft pick. And that assumes no raises for Nate Robinson, Dominic McGuire, or Chris Wright while plugging in Brandon Rush's enormous cap hold (over $7 million) under the assumption that he is indeed in the Big Plan of Lacob & co. He ought to hold them over a fucking barrel knowing they can't make any relevant moves while he and the Triumvirate of Scrub negotiate their respective deals. Charles Jenkins, incidentally, is guaranteed at least $200K but can be waived to save a bit on real salary commitment. The problem is that a minimum salary vet cap hold actually exceeds Jenkins' current 2013 salary. So cut him and you actually LESSEN cap space by making him count like $1 million instead of $760K. I think. Not really, actually, but the real expense certainly goes up. Which is idiotic considering the talent replacing him won't add anything relevant.
But the Warriors will do it anyway even if they don't fire Speedy Claxton first.
Translation: $69 million is on the low end for this crew.
Context: 8 NBA teams currently sport team salaries above that.
Want to burn a salary exception on some Brandon Roy PR hype or worse? Have a ball.
Now that you've seen this crew in action, you know they are desperate to look busy and will mortgage the future recklessly as long as they think they can bullshit the league's softest market a little more, for a Fresh round of Season Ticket commitments, about NEXT year. So sure, tell us about all the fantastic moves your clusterfuck of washed-ups and never-weres and never-will-bes in that front office band of monkeys is about to make this offseason, Joe Lacob and silent partners (you fucking imbeciles). Nothing relevant has come yet or is coming down the pipes.
These folks are NBA clueless.
EVERY team with problems in the West has shed salary or corrected issues so far and all the teams the Warriors were counting on to start sucking soon are primed for huge reloads if they haven't already begun them. So here is your inflexible 2012-13 Warriors roster in an even tougher West. Get the Injury Excuse Machine fired up:
Andrew Bogut (injured, fat, slow)
David Lee (pure stat padding dogshit, immovable contract)
Richard Jefferson (dumped by the Spurs)
Andris Biedrins (dumped by life)
Brandon Rush (shitwing)
Dorell Wright (shitwing)
Stephen Curry (6th man- when is his HUGE extension coming?)
Klay Belinelli
Chris Wright (probably about to be dumped but nice to see Travis Schlenck still has more authority than Jerry West)
Dominic McGuire (lmao)
Nate Robinson (pointless)
Jeremy Tyler (Bob Myers, what a genius!)
(shitty draft pick)
Charles Jenkins (Speedy Claxton, what a genius!)
(shitty 2nd rounder)
(shitty 2nd rounder)
Yes, someone will have to be cut or there aren't enough roster slots, so you know the Warriors plan to cut Jenkins or Wright or make a trade or sell a draft pick. League, go to town since you know the team's hands are totally tied on this roster necessity.
That roster is pure shit and there is NO coaching going on. The Warriors just started re-loading the coaching carousel talk points now that McMillan and D'Antoni are out there so you're looking at the Cohan Era musical coaching chair game from the looks of it. Head Coach odds for next year:
Mike Malone: even
Mark Jackson: 10-1
Nate McMillan: 40-1
Mike D'Antoni: 50-1 (more gettable than McMillan, less sellable as "Defense Minded" for a used-up Warriors PR/online hype team including everyone at Warriorsworld, possibly Adam Lauridsen, and etc.).
PS I don't really know how odds work. As of now I'd say Mike Malone will be the head coach next year after a loud, fruitless Look Busy PR campaign on the pursuit of legit coaching options, followed by trite defenses of our Super D lead assistant (already grossly overpaid), and it will be a total disaster. Lacob & co. are boldly and freshly going for something Cohan only barely accomplished once, and that by twice firing coaches mid-year (out of the Carlessimo and Cowens eras) before Musselman's two years:
5 years, 5 different head coaches.
Big Changes. Big Fucking Changes.
Some salary information gathered from http://www.shamsports.com/content/pages/data/salaries/index.jsp and https://webfiles.uci.edu/lcoon/cbafaq/salarycap.htm
Where were we? Oh yes: Fucked. For a good long while at that.
While there are some bells and whistles and minor points to the Fresh Era Golden State Warriors future salary outlook, the proverbial money shot is as such: $69 million on the current roster plus a shitty draft pick. And that assumes no raises for Nate Robinson, Dominic McGuire, or Chris Wright while plugging in Brandon Rush's enormous cap hold (over $7 million) under the assumption that he is indeed in the Big Plan of Lacob & co. He ought to hold them over a fucking barrel knowing they can't make any relevant moves while he and the Triumvirate of Scrub negotiate their respective deals. Charles Jenkins, incidentally, is guaranteed at least $200K but can be waived to save a bit on real salary commitment. The problem is that a minimum salary vet cap hold actually exceeds Jenkins' current 2013 salary. So cut him and you actually LESSEN cap space by making him count like $1 million instead of $760K. I think. Not really, actually, but the real expense certainly goes up. Which is idiotic considering the talent replacing him won't add anything relevant.
But the Warriors will do it anyway even if they don't fire Speedy Claxton first.
Translation: $69 million is on the low end for this crew.
Context: 8 NBA teams currently sport team salaries above that.
Want to burn a salary exception on some Brandon Roy PR hype or worse? Have a ball.
Now that you've seen this crew in action, you know they are desperate to look busy and will mortgage the future recklessly as long as they think they can bullshit the league's softest market a little more, for a Fresh round of Season Ticket commitments, about NEXT year. So sure, tell us about all the fantastic moves your clusterfuck of washed-ups and never-weres and never-will-bes in that front office band of monkeys is about to make this offseason, Joe Lacob and silent partners (you fucking imbeciles). Nothing relevant has come yet or is coming down the pipes.
These folks are NBA clueless.
EVERY team with problems in the West has shed salary or corrected issues so far and all the teams the Warriors were counting on to start sucking soon are primed for huge reloads if they haven't already begun them. So here is your inflexible 2012-13 Warriors roster in an even tougher West. Get the Injury Excuse Machine fired up:
Andrew Bogut (injured, fat, slow)
David Lee (pure stat padding dogshit, immovable contract)
Richard Jefferson (dumped by the Spurs)
Andris Biedrins (dumped by life)
Brandon Rush (shitwing)
Dorell Wright (shitwing)
Stephen Curry (6th man- when is his HUGE extension coming?)
Klay Belinelli
Chris Wright (probably about to be dumped but nice to see Travis Schlenck still has more authority than Jerry West)
Dominic McGuire (lmao)
Nate Robinson (pointless)
Jeremy Tyler (Bob Myers, what a genius!)
(shitty draft pick)
Charles Jenkins (Speedy Claxton, what a genius!)
(shitty 2nd rounder)
(shitty 2nd rounder)
Yes, someone will have to be cut or there aren't enough roster slots, so you know the Warriors plan to cut Jenkins or Wright or make a trade or sell a draft pick. League, go to town since you know the team's hands are totally tied on this roster necessity.
That roster is pure shit and there is NO coaching going on. The Warriors just started re-loading the coaching carousel talk points now that McMillan and D'Antoni are out there so you're looking at the Cohan Era musical coaching chair game from the looks of it. Head Coach odds for next year:
Mike Malone: even
Mark Jackson: 10-1
Nate McMillan: 40-1
Mike D'Antoni: 50-1 (more gettable than McMillan, less sellable as "Defense Minded" for a used-up Warriors PR/online hype team including everyone at Warriorsworld, possibly Adam Lauridsen, and etc.).
PS I don't really know how odds work. As of now I'd say Mike Malone will be the head coach next year after a loud, fruitless Look Busy PR campaign on the pursuit of legit coaching options, followed by trite defenses of our Super D lead assistant (already grossly overpaid), and it will be a total disaster. Lacob & co. are boldly and freshly going for something Cohan only barely accomplished once, and that by twice firing coaches mid-year (out of the Carlessimo and Cowens eras) before Musselman's two years:
5 years, 5 different head coaches.
Big Changes. Big Fucking Changes.
Some salary information gathered from http://www.shamsports.com/content/pages/data/salaries/index.jsp and https://webfiles.uci.edu/lcoon/cbafaq/salarycap.htm
Thursday, March 15, 2012
I Was Wrong.
The team DIDN'T remain the same throught the deadline and it DIDN'T add Kaman. And then it DIDN'T leave only enough cap flexibility to re-sign the shit squad it currently has....
Instead, Joe Lacob & co. made the team worse, dug an even more incredible salary cap hellhole, and fell even further behind savvy teams like Denver and Houston in legit rebuild/reloads. And then Portland had the balls to can a coach and tank like champions. Paul Allen is a moron, to be clear, but at least he's a moron with a plan.
LOOK AT US MAKING MOVES. WE'RE MAKING MOVES YOU GUYS!
WE'RE TOTALLY NOT COHAN! DEATH TO INFIDELS!
Instead, Joe Lacob & co. made the team worse, dug an even more incredible salary cap hellhole, and fell even further behind savvy teams like Denver and Houston in legit rebuild/reloads. And then Portland had the balls to can a coach and tank like champions. Paul Allen is a moron, to be clear, but at least he's a moron with a plan.
LOOK AT US MAKING MOVES. WE'RE MAKING MOVES YOU GUYS!
WE'RE TOTALLY NOT COHAN! DEATH TO INFIDELS!
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
After Joe Lacob and Ray Ridder Make No Trades This Season, 2012-13 Roster is All Set.
Enjoying all the trade noise hoopla? Good. That's the idea.
Entertainment Value, ladies and gentlemen.
[Delusional Mythology and Mindless Consumption]
Still waiting for the Chris Kaman acquisition despite his very vocal opposition to playing for the Warriors. Insert any other NBA name in Kaman's place in the previous sentence, as long as it's not Dwight Howard's name. But when March 15th passes and the Warriors have made absolutely no significant moves, for talent or for salary flexibility, you can also close the book on the entire 2012 offseason. You're looking at the 2012-13 roster, folks.
All current contracts total about $48 million. Maybe a little more than that.
(Credit as always to Sham)
Guess who this accounts for. I'll tell you:
1. David Lee
2. Monta Ellis
3. Andris Biedrins
4. Dorell Wright
5. Ekpe Udoh
6. Stephen Curry
7. Klay Thompson
8. Jeremy Tyler
9. Charles Jenkins (unguaranteed before August something)
So Charles Jenkins will be waived, but not for big offers to anyone.
Just so the team can max out on offers to these guys:
10. Kwame Brown
11. Brandon Rush
12. Chris Wright
13. Dominic McGuire
14. Nate Robinson
Total cap hold total for this second group: $18+ million.
Tack on ONE more roster slot minimum hold (team carries 14 as a rule of late though) if you like, either way this team is already frozen for the offseason. Next year's cap might go up a little but the Warriors have no room still. If it goes down or stays the same, even worse. $66 million stays over cap, under luxury tax, and out of the playoffs. Same Old Shit.
That group of five players, along with Shitwing Klay Thompson and irrelevant Ekpe Udoh, are all the Warriors PR Team has going for it right now. Go ahead and waive that group of five guys. Then you have $10 million to offer to a difference maker (won't make a difference, as we just found out). But this team won't do that. It will overcommit to Brandon Rush based upon his contract/career year and it will overcommit to Dominic McGuire based upon absolutely nothing but self-delusion and it will overcommit to Kwame Brown based upon the current season's Woe-is-Us narrative about his brilliance and it will overcommit to Chris Wright because Ooooh That Athleticism and Upside! and it will overcommit to Nate Robinson because Ooooh Cute a Widdle Puppy Dawg!
And we're done here.
Beyond worse than Cohan. Ray Ridder is in charge. And it's glorious.
Oh and did I fail to mention that Stephen Curry is eligible for and demanding his maximum contract extension this offseason, too? So the cap hell goes on for a LONG time after this. Keep waiting, suckers. Keep waiting.
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